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Fortitude Fridays

Vol. 124: I’m Back — Hermit Crab Wisdom Applied. Plus Rowing When There’s No Wind & More

Welcome to Fortitude Fridays—part mindset gym, part field notes from real life. I share what I’m learning, testing, and using to help you strengthen your mindset, take better care of yourself, and keep showing up—week after week.

Here are a few ideas as you head into the weekend.

Read Time: 8 mins

This Week’s Snapshot:

• Quote: No wind? Row.
• Tactic: Choose Your Shell
• Questions: Zen Wisdom

I went dark for four weeks. Not remotely the plan. Life kept swinging—clinic days, clients, all the curveballs—so I paused instead of forcing a perfect send. It wasn’t failure; it was recalibration. Even as a coach, I still get humbled. Fortitude Fridays resumes today. Thanks for your patience; I missed this community and this space. I’m happy to be back at it. -E

On Being Unstoppable: Destitutus ventis, remos adhibe. – Latin Proverb, recorded by Erasmus​ ​ Translation: If the wind will not serve, take to the oars. No momentum? No problem. You don’t wait for the wind — you grab the oar. One rep. One stroke. One choice at a time.

Tactic: Between Shells — Trade Heroics for Micro-Bravery

September felt like a batting cage locked on rapid fire. Somewhere in the noise I slid back into an old belief—just absorb more, Erinn—and wore it like armor that didn’t fit anymore.

Then I read Chris Williamson's email on human behavior in relation to hermit crabs (source not yet live on his site). They don’t sprint out of a shell; they prepare first, then move fast—scouting better options and, in groups, swapping in a quick vacancy chain.

It hit me: my September problem wasn’t a hostile universe out to ruin me—it was a bad fit at the time. “I’ll just handle all of it” once kept me safe; now it makes it hard to breathe.

On paper, each obstacle in my path was manageable. The volume broke me—requests stacked with no white space. I kept repeating: "not a bad life, just a hard couple of weeks." The density forced a change. That “handle it all” identity only works when there’s margin. I need more room, not more grit.

Here’s the lesson I came around to: sometimes the problem isn’t the hit; it’s the armor—the role we default to: I’ll handle it. I’ll absorb it. I won’t ask. It saved me once. Now it’s too tight.

Crabs don’t negotiate with biology: when the shell constricts, they leave. Humans can cheat. We can shrink ourselves to keep wearing old roles—the reliable one, the fixer, the lone wolf—because nobody questions it. The cost is quiet and real: the parts of us that want more go bitter and still.

The riskiest part isn’t after you’ve resized; it’s the middle. You say “No” and your stomach flips. You speak up and your voice shakes. You set a boundary and guilt claws back. That shakiness isn’t failure—it’s exposure. Proof you’re building the muscle for the things you say you want.

So I’m borrowing the crab’s playbook: prepare, then move fast.

Why This Matters

• Discomfort is data. When the load stings, it’s pointing to a pattern that needs to grow.
• Burnout hides in the margins. Volume with no white space turns small tasks into a grind; early management of expectations/needs create margin before friction builds.
• Invisible labor isn’t sustainable. “I’ll handle it” scales until it snaps; clear expectations distribute load and reduce quiet resentment.
• Better throughput, fewer errors. Asking early cuts context-switching and returns real focus blocks.
• Nervous system relief. Predictable plans + clean boundaries lower that “always on” hum, so you show up steadier.
• You’re modeling for others. When you ask clearly and kindly, you give your circle permission to do the same.

What I’m Experimenting With

• Micro-moves > heroics. One visible action each day that fits the next-size shell.
• Evidence, not vibes. Two-line nightly log: what I did + how it felt (feeling shaky still counts here).
• Capacity first. Protect white space so the new pattern has room to set.

How It Works:

Name the old default → what it gave / what it costs now.

• Old default: “I’ll just handle it.”
• Gave: speed & control. Costs now: errors, resentment, no margin.

Define the next identity (1 line).

• New: “I lead clearly, ask early, and protect capacity.”

One visible action before 3 p.m. (daily).

• “For me to deliver X by Y, I need Z.”
• “I need Tuesday protected; can we move this to Wednesday?”
• “I need a decision on A by 3.”

Boundary + need (script you can use).

• “Thanks for asking. I can’t take that on right now. Here’s what I can do: X by Y.”
• If pressed: repeat once unchanged. If pressed again: “To make this doable, I need Z.”

Guard the vulnerable window.

• Fewer new commitments, earlier nights, simple food, 10-minute resets.

Evidence, not vibes (2 lines nightly).

• What I did: ____
• How it felt: ____ (awkward still counts)

This Week’s Plan

• Mon–Fri: establish one micro-need each day.
• Checklist: name the need → pick the rep → do it → log it.
• Success: five logged reps. That’s it—feelings are optional, the success is in the doing.

Bringing It Home

Skills beat stories. The story says “just absorb more.” The skill says “here are my terms and what I need to do this well.” The story drains you; the skill rebuilds self-trust and shows others where you stand.

I don’t need a reinvention. I need a slightly bigger shell and a week of honest reps. I’m coaching myself through it—still a little grouchy and tired, but already breathing easier.

If you’re between shells too, I invite you to try this with me: Determine one need today, say it out loud, and write down how it felt.

Tomorrow, do one more.

We've got this.

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To Let Go or Be Dragged: That’s the Question ​ The right line finds you when you’re ready for it. Last week, this one did. ​ Often credited as a Zen proverb. (I found it via Oliver Burkeman): ​ "Let go or be dragged." Habit—and often fear—keeps us holding on to roles, routines, or relationships that no longer serve us. ​ Two questions for this week: • Where are you being dragged? • What’s the best-case scenario if you let go?

Adorable:

Click image to watch the video.

Thanks for reading. I am so glad to be back. Have a splendid weekend. Until next week…

You got this,

P.S. If you’re new—welcome! I’m so glad you’re here. You’ve just stepped into a community of people who are showing up, doing the work, and getting after what matters. We’re all about learning, growing, and building real momentum—together. Let’s go!

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